The Vizier and the Monkey will be an occasional article that appears on EON to help answer questions that our readers may have. Questions can range from rules, to plot, to everyday life issues. Your friendly Vizier shall try to clear up those baffling uncertainties that have been plaguing you.

To get your question answered by The Vizier - e-mail joseph@chill.uk.net

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Question #1

Dear Mr. Vizier,

I’ve been a regular Vampire player for about five years, but recently began playing Aberrant.

That’s a step in the right direction. Come in, sit down, take off your fangs.

It’s a great game, but not everyone in our group agrees. So, we’ve made up a crossover game that incorporates both Vampire and Aberrant. That way everyone’s happy.

I think I see where this is headed…

Anyway, we had a heated discussion the other night, and were hoping you could help us out.

Here it comes.

How many Blood points does Divis Mal have?

Sincerely,
Quantum Fangs

Security!

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Question #2

Hey Monkey Boy. I need some help here.

Admission is the first step to recovery. Go on.

I was at a pub the other night, chatting up a bird. When I tried flexing the ol’ node, nothing happened. Not even a spark. Mr. Flamey was down for the count.

Sounds serious. Continue.

When that happened, she asked if I had met her friend yet. She was trying to pawn me off! Me!

Heavens, no.

My supreme powers seem to be on the fritz. How am I supposed to pick up women when I can’t get the flames up to snuff?

Stalking and bribery have always worked well for me.

Also, I seem to be having problems recently in the respect department. There are small chattering monkeys everywhere. When I speak, they should shut their yammers and listen. They don’t seem to recognize authority and perfection, as they should. I’d burn them down where they stand, but there’s still the little problem with Mr. Flamey. What’s a god to do?

Yours,
Inferno God

Sounds like you have quite a dilemma Mr. Inferno. Perhaps all this grandstanding and egoism is your way of protecting an easily bruised inner child, resulting in quantum dysfunction. (I hear they’re working on a pill for that now. Mox.. something or other.) You need to let people see that you’re a person, too. Take a look at other celebrities. Michael Jackson, for example. He thought he was a god. Now he looks like a monkey’s uncle.

Since you probably neither read, nor would have understood, the above I’ll put it to you plain and simple. Pretend you care once in a while. It goes a long way.

Next!

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Question #3

Dear Vizier,

I’m in something of a quandary. I’m a Storyteller for our gaming group. The group is wonderful with a wide variety of personalities and characters in play.

I thought a group like that was just legend.

The problem is, everything I throw at them they just walk right through. I don’t keep any notes for them to look at and cheat with, nor do I think they have Telepathy.

You don’t have a female gamer in the group by any chance? I hear they tend towards that ability.

An example from one of my past games:

This better not be one of those “This one time, at…” stories.

The characters were running from a massive army (as they often find themselves), when the vehicle they were in was forced to stop. I decided to bring in a huge flying tank with legions of troops pouring out as it landed. The troops scoured the area, but the characters were wise enough to be hidden. (They were meant to escape.)

I wouldn’t have been so nice, but that’s just me.

The troops all piled back into the tank and it began hovering up into the sky. Just then, the character that had been hiding under the tank most of this time decided to fire off his plasma rifle into the main lift fan of the tank. He rolled very well, and my huge battle tank came crashing to the earth.

You let them have control of dice?

They destroyed my tank! It was going to be a recurring sight throughout the game, filling them with a sense of dread. Where did I go wrong?

Signed,
ST Skinny

I bet you’re still using one of those “plot” things, too.

Okay. Here’s what you should do. Put any notion that the PC’s are heroes straight out of your head. Remember, it’s you against them. They control one or two piddly persons apiece in this vast gaming world where you, the StoryTeller, control everything else. The odds are stacked, and you have the upper hand. You just have to make it all appear fair.

In the example of your tank, there were a number of things you could have done.

1. You could have landed it on at least one of the characters, thereby teaching him a lesson.
2. Assuming that something of that size needs horrendous amounts of power, there could have been an explosion when it crashed and an ensuing shock wave that would be enough to knock out any fleeing PC’s at least until an investigation team arrived.
3. Much more fun is playing sneaky. There had to have been some damage to the vehicle in the crash. Enough damage for toxic fumes and radiation to leak out. Perhaps in enough quantities to minimally have the closest character go bald from exposure.

Always remember that being the StoryTeller means you have to be a sneaky bastard. You might as well learn to enjoy it.

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